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Post by redcamo14 on Dec 12, 2005 21:24:52 GMT -5
done! just curious, but am I the only one that dosen't mind if her charrie isn't accepted right away?
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 14, 2006 21:33:22 GMT -5
um...it's January...
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The Lion Turtle
Ishvara Spirits
"Your own spirit must be unbendable."
Posts: 0
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Post by The Lion Turtle on Jan 14, 2006 21:36:56 GMT -5
0.o You're incredibly paicent! Why didn't you bug us, or at least bumped your thread? I'll get someone on it right away, yes I will.
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Post by rairii on Jan 16, 2006 17:28:25 GMT -5
....*ahem* CAPITALIZATION, WOMAN!!!! *cough* Every other sentence starts with a lower-cased letter and it makes my eyes burn. It really irks me to see "pointyish" and "roundish" in your profile.... Especially since it makes no sense. A face can't be round and pointed. It's an ultimate oxymoron. Now, if someone isn't very muscle-clad, they're not going to be the next Mr. Universe. Now, we don't want people relating their character to one in another movie/TV show/book. Describe the scar to every minuscule detail. I'm not exactly picturing your charrie. Describe her hair style, the shape of her eyes, her mouth, her build, and her normal stances. ....*blinkblink* Are you aware that your entire clothing/armor description is a run-on sentence? Grammar is important! You need to describe her weapons more. Any designs and special features on them? What exactly are "flaming arrows"? Her personality... It's over-done. Not everyone in the fire nation is odious and fierce. They have a light side every once and awhile. And it needs more detail as well. How does she fare under pressure? What makes her tick? Ticks her off? Does she have any funny little quirks? Ergh, you have no idea how many dead mothers we see around here. And of course, the fathers going to war. Why would a 14-year-old be traveling a gender-biased nation with her younger sister? It's just unethical. It needs more detail as well. We need to know what made her who she is today. ...Your sample RP is only 99 words long.
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 16, 2006 17:57:59 GMT -5
ok i'll try but I'm not really good at stuff like that.
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 19, 2006 14:05:04 GMT -5
How DO you bump a thread?
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Post by jialingjin on Jan 20, 2006 23:53:02 GMT -5
You bump a thread simply by replying to it with something like "Hey, I'm still here. Please review my profile!." Becausae a lot of times.. people post profiles.. and never come back. Therefore, if your profile ends up down with those never-thought abot profiles.. chances are we may overlook it as new profiles come through. So every now and then.. just reply to your profiles if they aren't being checked to remind us. ^^
Alrighty. Lets see if I can help you. *Cracks knuckles*
Physical apperance - 5'7 at age 14? Well since it seems that I'm just on the short end of the scale I'll let this pass. Everyone I've pointed out heights to seems to think it's fully possible so maybe I'm just short. I still stand by my growth spurts don't hit till like age 16 theory but.. Moving on.
Okay.. how can she not be muscle clad but very strong? I know there are some exceptions to this, but describe her form more. If she isn't muscle clad, then what is she? How is her face sharp featured? Pointed nose? Pointed chin? thin lips?
You don't need to have parentheses for the fight comment in there either.
Clothing/Armor - If the sleeves are tight at her wrist, what are they else wear? Billowy? What kind of collar does the shirt have? Any embroidery? How long is the skirt? Is it pleated or just simply hang there? Are the leggings full leg leggings or do they only reach her knees? Any decorations on her shoes?
Weapons - Is the blade dull? Sharp? Does she keep it in good condition? Is the guard plain metal or is etched? How good is the bow? A good bowmaster is in training for years to make a high quality bow.
Personality- I would think that a girl that stubborn, head strong, and with a hot temper would get annoyed by the antics of stupid boys (Note - Boys at age 14 ARE stupid half the time. Anyone reading this, Do not argue with me here.) The whole..curling in a corner thing sugests some instability in her mental state. Care to play off it some it more?
Background - Again.. Avatar is a Gender-Biased world. They do not have 14 year old girls wandering around on their own... even with younger siblings. Sure, a sunday juant to Grandma's house is acceptable, but to travel an entire nation when your still a minor and by yourself? Not going to happen.
Tell us more about her family life? Did she have a happy childhood, a sad childhood? Did her parents work and what did they do? How did they treat their children (and obvious they did not hate them or else they wouldn't have had them.) How is hers and Agi's Relationship? Are they close? Or distant? Does Agi bother her older sister?Why would Rayii admit she loves her family? What is so shameful about that to her? How did she learn firebending? Did she have a tutor or did a parent teach her? Couldn't Agi do something to hide her ear, such as letting her hair cover it, or was she proud to be different? How could Rayii beat the boys? Why is she so special?
Why did she leave? How did she do it? How are they surviving? I doubt they had any wilderness training.
^^ Thats what we mean by more details.
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 21, 2006 10:54:43 GMT -5
*bump* I tried a new genre.
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Post by jialingjin on Jan 21, 2006 11:15:53 GMT -5
Rayii, Please get rid of the image and give me a real description. What you had before was fine it just needed work. Please please please... We do not accept images as descriptions.
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 21, 2006 11:44:16 GMT -5
ok I'll change it^^
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Post by jialingjin on Jan 21, 2006 14:03:38 GMT -5
Physical apperance- More details. What is her body type? Any flaws in her skin? Does she have a crooked finger or toe? Any blemishes to her skin?
Clothing and armor - Please please be more orginal. I know you love Jun and all, but this is copying the character. Orginality is what we're looking for.
Weapons - I still don't like the making bow herself thing. She would have had to had help. Perhaps their neighbors are an elderly couple and the old man used to make bows and he helped her.
Personality- What are her strenghts and weaknesses? Has her personality ever gotten in trouble? What caused her to be this way? Why does she have a soft spot for boys?
Background- Augh *pulls hair out* More about her family please. Any siblings? What are they like? How was her childhood? The typical three year old does not have the motor skills to speak so fluently! Sure, she can be smart.. but make it realistic.. like developing a vocabulary on par with a five year old. How was her childhood? Did she have friends? How did she kill the snake without getting bit? What all did her father teach her? The whole leaving thing - a year or more is probably how long he'd be deployed.. >> so maybe after three months without contact? How did Rayii make the bow? What drove her to become 'protector'? Did their village lie in a dangerous area or what? Was it a port and did Pirates often strike? What? More details!
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 21, 2006 18:22:51 GMT -5
like I said above: I'M THE KLUTZ OF THE RPG EVOLUTION. I have short-term memory loss.
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Post by jialingjin on Jan 21, 2006 18:38:52 GMT -5
Darwinism does not apply to RPG >D We rebuild you, we can make you better!
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 21, 2006 21:30:18 GMT -5
what the heck is darwinism???
BUMP*
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Post by rairii on Jan 22, 2006 22:16:41 GMT -5
Okay, It's 45 minutes past my bedtime and I'm armed with hair spray, Archer Farms water, and tangle-free hair. Let us review some profiles. Rayii, you don't have short-term memory loss and we know it. There's no excuse. Heck, I have a short attention span and tend to have blonde-in-disguise moments, but here I am making other people's profiles look good. I don't know... There's just something about the physical appearance that I think is lacking. Okay, remember the talk Jia had with you about copying Jun's outfit? Why do I think you weren't paying attention? Okay, my childhood has me really touchy about this "smart child" business, mainly because I was once considered one of them and... Well, I'm not going there. But words that a 12-year-old would know, known by a 3-year-old? I'm almost 12 myself and... Yeh know what? Looking at my generation, I think that knowing words a 12-year-old would be expected to know doesn't indicate smarts. But that's not the point. Most people start talking somewhere between 1 and 2, right? You can't learn a whole vocabulary in say, 1 1/2 years. It took me at least 8 to build the one I have today. I sincerely doubt a 7-year-old could kill a poisonous snake, single-handedly without even being harmed. Anywho, look over the RP sample. I see missing quotation marks. 0.0 Oh god, Rairii's a Mary Sue...[/random moment]
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