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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 24, 2006 16:13:33 GMT -5
*bump
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Post by rairii on Jan 24, 2006 16:26:23 GMT -5
-_-; Rayii, if you've modified don't just say bump. Some would call that spam. Just say that you've modified so it doesn't take me an hour to realize what you mean.
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Post by jialingjin on Jan 24, 2006 17:38:42 GMT -5
Also.. this looks like it's been hardly touched. -_-; C'mon Rayii... I've given you all the help I can give.
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Post by redcamo14 on Jan 24, 2006 20:56:34 GMT -5
I did it.
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Post by redcamo14 on Feb 1, 2006 19:27:39 GMT -5
and I just did it again^^
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Post by jialingjin on Feb 1, 2006 22:13:09 GMT -5
Yes, I copied and pasted some things from previous reviews because they have not be answered.
Physical apperance- More details. What is her body type? Any flaws in her skin? Does she have a crooked finger or toe? Any blemishes to her skin?
Go ahead and give us her weight, we don't care and neither will the boys.
Clothing and armor - Again.. too similiar to Jun. Orginality is key!
Weapons - How did she make her own bow? Bow making is tedious work. You gotta have the right wood, you gotta soft it so it has enough bend in it. You gotta shape it just right. Arrows have to be streamline, and light, with feathers angled at just the right angle. Also.. archery is skill that again.. takes years to perfect.
Background-
Why did her father marry her mother if they were so different? What attracted them together?
How was she smart? Did she learn to walk a month before other child? Did she take to language easier than most? Are her math skills really good? How does her early intelligence affect her now?
More about her family please. Any siblings? What are they like? How was her childhood?
The typical three year old does not have the motor skills to speak so fluently! Sure, she can be smart.. but make it realistic.. like developing a vocabulary on par with a five year old.
Why was she not scared of the snake? How did she know it was a bad thing? How did she know to kill it? Why would her mother even leave a knife out for a 7 to get? Why did she not freak? Don't most girls scream and run away at even the sight of a bee? Be reasonable. How did she teach herself firebending? She had to learn the moves and techniques somewhere. And without intense training from a master, she could not be one of the best at 14 year old.
Again .. why would three months have them worried? Three months is nothing in a War. People are lucky to hear from eachother once a month and since they didn't have e-mail.. it wouldn't be uncommon.
How did Rayii make the bow?
Also.. why would people stand for a girl to be a warrior in the fire nation? We've already discussed this with other people.. Avatar is a gender biased world.. there aren't that many girl warriors.. espically at age 14.
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Post by redcamo14 on Feb 3, 2006 10:34:39 GMT -5
you know what I just realized? I'm doing such a suckish job on this because Rayii is the character I use for ALL my rpgs! So I'm going to try a whole new thing.
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Post by jialingjin on Feb 7, 2006 20:36:07 GMT -5
Physical Appearance:
Alright, is her hair shiny or is it dull? How does she usually wear it? Down or in a simply bun, or perhaps a more elaborate bun? What is her skin tone? How is her face sharp featured? pointy nose? Pointy chin? Defined bone structure? Are her limbs all in porpotion or is long limbed? Short Limbed? Any moles, freckles, indents, discolored patches of skin?
Clothing/Armor: Why all the black? From what we've seen of Fire Nation citizens, Red is their dominate color. It makes sense. Red is a powerful color in the chinese culture. I also question a 14 year old girl wearing such clothing in a chinese-influenced world. Yeah, you can get away with that kind of clothing here in the real world, but if we were in china centuries ago, women were expected to cover up and be silent. I'd love you if I saw something with color and based on actual chinese clothing here. -.-;
Weapons: Her father gave her black-handled dagger for her twelfth birthday, and it means a lot to her. But a year later, her older brother gave her his sword, as he had been given a new one. The sword is actually a red katana with a yin yang symbol on the handle.
Personality: Um.. how can she be hot tempered and not trust anyone right away, but have a soft sport for 'mostly all people'? That conflicts. If she has a soft spot for boys, then is she very mean and rude to girls? Why? Does she feel like she's competing with them for the attention of the boys?
Background:
How did her family get rich? What is the history of the family? Do they hold a prominent place in Fire Nation history or politics? Are they nobility of sorts? What does her father do? How close was her father in position to Ozai? What about her mother? What did her mother do? Housemaker? How did Kei react to seeing Fire? Um.. they don't have 'stoves' like how we think of them in ancient china. They probably had metal plates that were heated which would act like that.. or fire pits. Why didn't her mother keep her daughter away from such a dangerous area? Was she distracted perhaps? When her parents learned she could firebend, did they take care to teach her to at least control it? How did Kei become consciously aware of her ability? Is she able to control the fire at least to keep it from spreading? Why did her brother teacher her when a more experienced master could? If they were so rich, why did they not hire one for example? A boy three years older than her will not that much more advanced as mastering bending takes decades. How did their mothers death affect Kei and Taro? How did it affect their father? How did they mourn? What was this mission? Why would children even be allowed to accompany him? He could have hired a nanny, or entrusted his children to a relative especially if they are rich. Children, even in the Fire Nation, would not be allowed into the army. Why would they want to run away after such a nice, pampered life? I'd sure stay and live in the lap of luxury
Sample RP: More detail, more description of their surroundings and of them themselves. How do they move, how do they stand? What are there characteristic mannerisms?
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Post by redcamo14 on Feb 9, 2006 22:36:14 GMT -5
About the black...I'm sorta goth punk and that's mostly all I wear..  |
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Post by jialingjin on Feb 10, 2006 10:17:41 GMT -5
Wearing black is fine for you, but it is not fine for the Fire Nation. The only character we have ever seen in all black is Jun and the Blue Spirit. Jun has no nation affliation (we can guess she is Earth Kingdom though because of her dark brown eyes), thus no need for colors plus she's a rogue bounty hunter. They get lee-way fashion wise. And the blue spirit is a ninja.
So.. I'd like to see some colors.
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Post by redcamo14 on Feb 12, 2006 13:04:55 GMT -5
ok, ready.
Nice sig, by the way^^
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Post by jialingjin on Feb 12, 2006 13:28:19 GMT -5
Alright we're going to accept this. However, know that we are not 100% pleased with the profile. Again, it still lacks the detail we desire and the creativity we desire. We expect you to show better skills than this when you actually start to RP.
ACCEPTED.
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