Idle Quandaries (Desna's Journal)

[desna]

Dear journal,

It seems like as good a time as any to start writing again, since I'm all but stir crazy waiting out the siege. I want to go into town and visit people, buy things, explore, annoy my friends, anything. The more I'm in this house the more I'm thinking, I know how dangerous that can be. An empty room on the right side of the room haunts me more than it should, I walk by it and I always feel that my Nana should be sitting in there knitting or waiting to style my hair. She always loved my hair... Nana wanted me to keep it long so it could be kept up like my mothers was when she was younger, last spring I'd all but sheared it off, now it falls around my shoulders, I'm not very good with hair so when I trim it I can never get it straight, Nana would have chided me...

The last time I'd kept a journal I was nine, learning the finer points of poetry and writing, I honestly wasn't even aware I had a journal, parchment is expensive. I can only speculate it was a birthday present, not this year of course, years ago. Still on that note I'm seventeen now. I don't feel any older then I was at nine but I know that I am, this is an odd thing to think about. It's hard to write when the ground shakes now and then, I'll only write a little more. Pikatti is almost always growling, I can't make his fur flatten to his back. I wonder if his hair will fall out from the tension. He's hidden in his bed of furs in the corner, poor boy must be worried.

Yesterday or the day before the battle was reaching a high point, I thought it was going to end but the bombing of Shai continued. I wish that I was a skilled artisan, the scene was something out of a fairytale, for the people in the city it had to have been a horror story. I'm far from the actual front of this battle but I can feel the impacts very clearly, I can only wonder how it feels miles from here in Shai. When I go outside and watch the destruction it's actually beautiful, fat red birds loom over the skies, the other day I saw one or two of them come crashing down to the earth as if pulled by some unknown fishing line. Balls of crimson and yellow dart the sky, when I allow myself to forget the city is one that I've visited since I was a child I can appreciate the spectical I'm seeing as a master piece, instead of a grim reality. Ships dot the harbor, I can't see it very well but it looks like they're flying firenation colors, they defiantly aren't water tribe. I hope the ocean consumes them like in the last siege, I don't know if things would ever be the same with the fire nation owning control of the city, the only think I know for sure is that I have the best seat for the battle.

I'm going to try and get some rest after I feed Pikatti, good night
P.S. What is the color of anxiety?

[desna]

Dear Journal,

Today was the first day I got to go back into Shai since the seige, it took a lot of damage but overall it was in better shape then I thought it would be. Some structures were still standing and repairs were underway. It seemed like life was springing up out of no where, when I saw all the fire navy ships I thought the city would have been leveled, either that or I'd go in to find a fire nation occupied water tribe. It looks like we won, even though I was far from the action I was proud. Theres not much I can do for the city aside from continuing to live my life, I'm good at that, so good I can breath while I'm asleep.

Moving onto the actually activities of the day I have a story thats a bit more interesting. I'd sold out all of my herbs for the day and when I was walking back from checking on a few of my friends my sled was pierced by an icicle. It set me back a bit, but luckily I met a boy and he helped me out. He was kinda fun, a little on the serious side but he smiled a few times, so it was alright. He kept talking about his mom so he must have been younger than me, perhaps, he didn't look like he was but boys go through those growth spurts. I didn't catch his name but I wonder if I'll run into him again. Pikatti didn't like him much.

Still I'm worried, when me and my new friend were getting wood for my sled I ran into Mr. Kairen, he mentioned my father looking for me, then when I was looking for the money pouch I saw my dad heading in the direction of the wood shop. He might mention he saw me, that lets a bit off of my mind though, he at least knows I'm alive and if I can help it thats all he'll get. Even though I'm nervous I'm pretty sure I won't see him again, Pikatti knocked the wind out of him last time, next time I don't think I'll be able to pull him off.

Tomorrow will always be a better day, for now I should head to sleep.
P.S. I need some more jerky, I wonder if they have anything spicy.

[desna]

Dear Journal,

Good news, I got my jerky, they had some peppered dolphin snake, it was pretty good. I'm saving most of it for later but of course I let my best friend have some, Pikatti approved, though I haven't known him to ever refuse food. I got to see some combat benders today in training, they were doing fairly well. I still don't think they're all they think they are but I won't tell them that.

I could take them in a fight. A little one two punch and they're down on the ground. I got to meet someone new today, a boy names Pika, he was pretty attractive, kind of wanted to go and flirt but it wouldn't go anywhere. Pika even complimented me on my aim, for a bender he's not such a bad guy. He's the kind of guy I imagine Nana would tell me to steer clear of.... I miss you___

Anyway I got to find out that boys name, it was Aden. Such a weird name, but who can complain, I think it fits him. Note to self, he dislikes hugs, I should try it more often. Moving onto more exciting things I got to talk to Kinqu today, he had a bunch of stories to tell about the earth kingdom. He was going on about military tactics but I only wanted to know about the types of plants. One day I'd like to see some of them up close, he told me there were trees in the earth kingdom taller than the palace and that it was so warm you never had to wear a parka.

It seems a little hard to believe, none the less one day I'll make it to the earth kingdom. One way or another. Just for a visit if nothing else.

In the Earth kingdom I bet the buildings would melt
P.S. Why does it seem like I'm forgetting something?

[desna]

Journal, today was odd.

I saw Aden again, twice I think, once out on the shelf, but he doesn't seem like the crazy type, I only say that because he was sitting in the middle of no where... not even doing anything, just sitting there. Guess I shouldn't judge,I don't even know if it was him, I could have been seeing things. I saw him again later in the day, he was in the fabric shop, why he'd be in there, I wouldn't know either, than boy is odd. At least I got him and Pikatti to get alone somewhat, it looked like he'd be happy enough to make the boy loose a couple fingers but he behaved himself.

We'd gotten into a snow ball fight, that was entertaining enough he couldn't throw though, I must have gotten him half a dozen times, he promised a re-match but for some reason he ditched... it might have to do with one of the snowballs I threw going wonky... I know I'm not a bender or any of that, I didn't think he was either, but then why was his aim so horrid? Oh well it's not my problem to worry about I guess...

Kihena is engaged, her pendant is beautiful of course, I wish she'd throw it back in the guys face... she'd so young and, people keep leaving me... I'm happy for her, they'll be a good couple and she'll be taken care of....

Snow descends to the cold sea
We wait for our turn
I'm just one to wait it seems

Would Nana be happy with the way I'm living my life or would she be angry with me? I'm too scared to find out
P.S.Is it really darkest before the dawn or are people just fooling themselves with optimistic nonsense?

[desna]

Dear Journal,

There was this adorable kitten left alone out in the snow yesterday morning, it was so sad, the poor little thing was shivering like a leaf in the wind. I couldn't find prints from it's parents so I decided to take it in, Pikatti wasn't too happy though so I brought it into Shai with me and tried to find it a home, it seemed like no one wanted the thing. It was the cutest baby kitten ever, those people were crazy. Luckily I found Aden and his father, they were nice enough to keep the kitten for the night, but I tried this morning to find someone to take it in and still there was no one. Honestly there should be more cat people in Shai. I mean it's not like it was a vicious creature, just a little wild. It would grow out of it in time.

I bet the kitten felt left out, just because someone is a little rough around the edges doesn't mean that they're evil or freakish...

I didn't see Aden's father today but I did meet his mom, she was very... huggy, Aden didn't mention her, I wonder if he mentioned me because she seemed thrilled to see me, it was a little odd but hey hugs are fun. There was something weird about Aden today... he just looked... I saw my dad today, he didn't seem happy, The flowers are starting to bloom on some of the plants, it's encouraging, maybe the tree will flower too it hasn't done that in years.

-----

I'd have imagined it's always been like this, starring up at the expansive sky, fields of green beneath me thick and packed like snow on a frozen field. Warmth was what enveloped your body though, not the constant numbing cold of the north. One could walk ankle deep in the green, the animals wore coats of browns and eyes of green like their enviorment. Trees taller than palaces loomed over head and the world knew the song of the wind. It was a simpler time, the greens gave way to sparkling cities of white where the majority of the populace at large lived, the buildings never melted or needed repairs with the assistance of water benders. It was the earth kingdom, in all it's glory. Brown polar bear dogs ran through the green trees and green earth basking in the warmth of the day while caribou deer danced in the fields. Flowers bloomed and blossomed everywhere and there was no pain, no suffering, still the war raged, people ran in fear, the world was coming to a stand still, not here though, not in the green, the green was safe and secure. Of all the creatures in this land only one was feared by the people, the white fox who unlike the browns and greens marked it's self as different. It wouldn't venture into the sparkling cities but for short times, it stayed far from the people, in the burrow it grew up in. That was safe, that was familure. The brown foxes moved to the city, they ate from the scraps of wealth, the white fox ate from the land, from the plants and from the earth as it's parents did... It was a happy creature, content with it's life and yet lonely...

P.S. A fox always smiles regardless of it's pain.