Post by Teiú on Sept 21, 2010 23:39:37 GMT -5
"I'm Teiú. By now I'm 20 years old. I left my country, my family and friends under unneeded unpredicted circumstances"
*a big line was traced over "unneeded". Yet, not enough to turn it not recognizable*
"I don't see a familiar face in a while. I think I am starting to forget about the faces of my family. Mean... more like, my head replaces the faces for people I met dead on the battlefield. Or as if my shame for killing people is keeping me from looking on the eyes of my dear parents."
"I killed another soldier today. Counting that one, it sums up 5. However, the death of the fifth now becomes more disturbing to me than the others. We assaulted a regiment carrying supplies by the road, on the way to Pohuan. We killed them all and assaulted their goods. It probably was meant to fuel the fortress. When the guards inside the wagon went out and started raining fire over our squad we fell apart like flies. The squad backing us scattered the soldiers right after, but there was one that remained, still bending fire over my comrades. It wasn't the first kill I took... but it was the colder, for sure... I..."
*the writing became visibly shaken by now. But at this point, it turned back to a formal style again.*
"... I jumped towards his neck and forced my dagger under his jaw. What scares me, more than the others, is that suddenly I stopped feeling guilty. I cannot let that happen. I'm starting to forget why I came here in the first place. I cannot help my people if I get swallowed by this stupid war. But day after day, that conscience grows weaker inside me. The others by the camp, my comrades, all dislike, not to say the ones that despise, me, saving for a few. I can't blame them, they got fair reasons. But that doesn't serve to ease my feelings as well. For the first time I have had fears beyond my own life. I have fears I may end up hating all of them, my rebel comrades and my brother compatriots."
"Ever since the episode in Tachi Dai, I think daily of Setsuko and Xin. Indeed, they are the ones that give me strength to endure all that. Actually, it is more like I'm ignoring my feelings, trying to make an excuse of that in thinking only about saving Setsuko. But again I see ruins for my future. What if I save her? How will I ease her pain if my heart becomes consumed by hatred? What if I find her dead?"
*once again the writing becomes different, stressed. Every time that happens, though, right after a new paragraph commence, with impeccable handwriting*
"The blood spilled over my ideals has tainted them. I can't manage to wash it off. I'm starting to despise the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, including the rebels. I can't understand how they are waging this war for more than a century already. Nothing happens in my life that helps me maintain any good will. Perhaps good will isn't necessary anymore. Normally I would write that I would still keep on fighting for what I deem right, but I see that, upon saying it, I would be nothing but a naive fool."
"I stopped trying to mind my actions. Tomorrow we will invade Pohuan. I plan to save Setsuko, and for that I'll act by instinct. I'm tired of trying to make amends within my philosophy. I hope I can see the light tomorrow, being that in Setsuko or somewhere else. But in me grows such a feeling that tells that since long darkness grew in me. I'm tired of resisting. Tomorrow will be my test. I want to see if, when face to face with the two things I love... or used to love... I will remain on the righteous side. Or if I'll give up my conditions, and behave like one of them."
*a big line was traced over "unneeded". Yet, not enough to turn it not recognizable*
"I don't see a familiar face in a while. I think I am starting to forget about the faces of my family. Mean... more like, my head replaces the faces for people I met dead on the battlefield. Or as if my shame for killing people is keeping me from looking on the eyes of my dear parents."
"I killed another soldier today. Counting that one, it sums up 5. However, the death of the fifth now becomes more disturbing to me than the others. We assaulted a regiment carrying supplies by the road, on the way to Pohuan. We killed them all and assaulted their goods. It probably was meant to fuel the fortress. When the guards inside the wagon went out and started raining fire over our squad we fell apart like flies. The squad backing us scattered the soldiers right after, but there was one that remained, still bending fire over my comrades. It wasn't the first kill I took... but it was the colder, for sure... I..."
*the writing became visibly shaken by now. But at this point, it turned back to a formal style again.*
"... I jumped towards his neck and forced my dagger under his jaw. What scares me, more than the others, is that suddenly I stopped feeling guilty. I cannot let that happen. I'm starting to forget why I came here in the first place. I cannot help my people if I get swallowed by this stupid war. But day after day, that conscience grows weaker inside me. The others by the camp, my comrades, all dislike, not to say the ones that despise, me, saving for a few. I can't blame them, they got fair reasons. But that doesn't serve to ease my feelings as well. For the first time I have had fears beyond my own life. I have fears I may end up hating all of them, my rebel comrades and my brother compatriots."
"Ever since the episode in Tachi Dai, I think daily of Setsuko and Xin. Indeed, they are the ones that give me strength to endure all that. Actually, it is more like I'm ignoring my feelings, trying to make an excuse of that in thinking only about saving Setsuko. But again I see ruins for my future. What if I save her? How will I ease her pain if my heart becomes consumed by hatred? What if I find her dead?"
*once again the writing becomes different, stressed. Every time that happens, though, right after a new paragraph commence, with impeccable handwriting*
"The blood spilled over my ideals has tainted them. I can't manage to wash it off. I'm starting to despise the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, including the rebels. I can't understand how they are waging this war for more than a century already. Nothing happens in my life that helps me maintain any good will. Perhaps good will isn't necessary anymore. Normally I would write that I would still keep on fighting for what I deem right, but I see that, upon saying it, I would be nothing but a naive fool."
"I stopped trying to mind my actions. Tomorrow we will invade Pohuan. I plan to save Setsuko, and for that I'll act by instinct. I'm tired of trying to make amends within my philosophy. I hope I can see the light tomorrow, being that in Setsuko or somewhere else. But in me grows such a feeling that tells that since long darkness grew in me. I'm tired of resisting. Tomorrow will be my test. I want to see if, when face to face with the two things I love... or used to love... I will remain on the righteous side. Or if I'll give up my conditions, and behave like one of them."